Effective Parental Energy

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What is Parental Energy?

Parental energy creates a respectful, energetic, and physical space where you interact with your child that allows him to respond with his free will.  Positive parental energy creates a condition that supports integration, lowers resistance and allows for ease of response.  You create effective parent energy through your intention and by surrendering to your role.


Some days this is easy and other days you just want the parenting job done.  The job will get done more effectively and with more cooperation if you control your energy and accept your role.  You are your child's teacher, guide, role model and leader.  You want him to go where you are leading him - be it to do his homework, leave you alone, go to bed, clean up, enjoy nature, etc.  Your energy needs to be calm, consistent and persistent to easily guide him.  Then you are using effective parental energy.

Prepare

Check and adjust your energy before you interact.  Your child can sense your mood easily and react to it.  Your energy field impacts your child's just as his impacts yours.  If your mood is attractive, he will align with it. You need to be present and involved in the moment to effectively implement your parental energy.  It takes focus.  So set yourself up for success.


  1. Leave enough time for your interaction with your child so it's not rushed. This controls your energy and supports your ability to follow through.
  2. Create positive grounded energy.
  3. Use proximity to influence your child.

Effective Parental EnergyVideo

Create Positive Grounded Energy

Once you learn how to create parental energy, it becomes automatic.  In the meantime, follow these steps.  


  1. Feel your feet on the ground and imagine them as having roots deep into the earth like a tree.  Slightly bend your knees to make sure they aren't locked.
  2. Place a hand on your chest and the other hand on your belly.  Place the lower hand either on the area below your belly button or above your belly button (which ever location feels right to you). 
  3. If you are able to close your eyes safely, do so because closing your eyes helps your body relax.  
  4. Slowly inhale through your nose, Slowly exhale through your nose.  Repeat this exercise several times. 

Research shows that deep breathing relaxes muscles, slows down the heart rate and lowers blood pressure.  This supports your ability to control your energy and allows your child's energy to respond well to you.  Adding an affirmation to this breathing makes it more effective.  Affirmations prime you to behave in the manner you intend.  Affirmations work because they are a statement of intention that sets the stage with the physical, mental, spiritual and emotional energy that is needed to fulfill an intention.  An affirmation sets the expectation in the present.  You don't say "I will be..." Rather you say what you intend to be in the present.  " I am calm, consistent, and persistent".  These three intentions help you to respond powerfully because...

  • when your energy is calm, it calms your child's energy.  Your calmness can deflect a child's resistance.  When you are confrontational, your child becomes confrontational too, or worse withdraws from you.
  • when you are consistent and have routines, you support your child's understanding of what is expected and set his body memory to comply.  Keep your expectations simple, age appropriate and realistic.  With routines it is easier to be consistent.
  • when you are persistent, your child learns it's best to comply.  If you give up, you've taught your child that if he waits long enough he can get out of a task.  This sets you up to negotiate which can mean a life time of negotiating. Children become experts at this very quickly.


So use this affirmation or another one that is meaningful to you.  "I am calm, consistent, and persistent."


Another way to use the affirmation is that when things are not going as you'd like them to, is to ask yourself "am I calm, am I consistent and am I persistent?"  This can help you monitor yourself and learn what worked and what didn't. 


About 60-90% of communication is non-verbal so make sure that your body language matches your intention.  Your non-verbal presentation and body language sends loud messages.  So be sure to relax your arms.  You do not want to indicate that you are protective of yourself, frustrated or confrontational. No finger pointing, crossed arms, or pulling your hair out.  Your child will not want to participate with negative energy.  

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Practice Changing Your Energy

Learn how it feels

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 Learn how it feels to be calm, consistent and persistent.  You align your energy with your intention and when you do this your child responds more positively.  Teach yourself to create this calm, consistent and persistent energy and wait for it before you act and/or speak.  Learn what it feels like so that you can activate it on demand. Over time and with practice it gets easier.

Helpful Hint

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A specific location that you use for changing your energy may cue your body.  So it looks like this: recognize that it's time to prepare your energy for an interaction.  "I need to put him to bed.  I think he may be difficult.  I'll prepare my energy."  Go to your special location to cue your body and activate your positive parental energy.

Meditation

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Many parents find meditation helpful.  I have a guided meditation for parents on the meditation page of this website.  

Be Persistent with Yourself

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You can learn to use your parental energy effectively.  It just takes your commitment and persistence.  The benefits for your family are worth it.

The Question

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What will you implement today to support your effective parental energy?